


Dat ass

by MossyFlossy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comedy, Love Confessions, M/M, Really foul language, Romance, creative cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 14:45:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16976547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MossyFlossy/pseuds/MossyFlossy
Summary: Accidental butt touch turns to love...There is no other way of summarising it





	Dat ass

“Sorry, I didn't mean to touch your butt.”   
“FOR THE LOVE OF A SHITFUCKING FUCKCRUMPET! STRIDER, KEEP YOUR GRUBBY SAUSAGE HANDS TO YOURSELF.” Karkat spewed, vile insults falling from his mouth like colourful word vomit.   
“I said sorry.” Dave quickly said, “no need to flip your shit.” The pair had been trying to get through one of the smaller passageways on the meteor, only for Dave to trip and bump into Karkat, his hands grabbing onto the first thing he could do stop him from face planting the floor. The first thing that he could grab just happened to be Karkat’s backside. 

“WELL KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS TO YOURSELF. BLOODY NOOKSUCKING, BULGE FUCKER.”  
“Woah, calm your tits, if trolls even have those, it’s not like it was deliberate, why would I want to grab your butt?”   
“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW? MAYBE IT IS ONE OF YOUR WEIRD HUMAN THINGS. LIKE HOLDING HANDS.”   
“I mean, we can hold hands if you would like. But there isn't much space in here.” Dave said, the sarcasm thick. He reached out to grab Karkat’s hand.  
“DAVE I DO NOT WANT TO TOUCH YOUR FILTHY HANDS, EVEN FOR IRONY'S SAKE. KEEP THEM TO YOUR-FUCKING-SELF.” 

They reached the end of the passageway and Karkat moved away from him as soon as possible.  
“Aww, don't you like me Karkat?” Dave asked. “Come on dude, hold my hand.”  
“FUCK NO STRIDER. HOLD TEREZI’S HAND. FUCK OFF.”  
“If I hold Terzi’s hand, you will get pissy again. And then there will be more dick ouija, and while dick ouija is fun, I still can’t work out who did the dicks.” Dave said with a grin. “Who did the dicks Karkat? Did you do the dicks? Did I do the dicks?”   
“YOU DID THE DICKS, YOU WRETCHED BUTTFUCK!” 

“All I am saying is that, you are very protective of her and that everytime I try and get close to her, you flip all of your shit straight across the room. It isn’t my fault you’re jealous of me or something.”  
“I AM NOT JEALOUS OF YOU. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF YOU?”   
“Because, shorty mcshouty, I can get the ladies, you can get the… oh wait, you don't get anything.”   
“I AM NOT JEALOUS OF YOU. ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY BLIND? ARE YOU FUCKING A OBLIVIOUS, CAN YOU EVEN SEE OUT OF THOSE SHITTY GLASSES?”  
“My glasses are not shitty. They are ironic.”  
“DO YOU HAVE SHIT FOR BRAINS? I AM NOT JEALOUS OF YOU. I AM JEALOUS OF HER!”

“You what now?” Dave froze, unmoving, in shock from what he was hearing.   
“CAN YOU NOT EVEN LISTEN PROPERLY? I AM JEALOUS OF-”   
“No I heard you. I just don't know what to say. You are jealous of Terezi?”   
“NO, I AM NOT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT. GOG, HOW CAN YOU BE SO FUCKING DUMB? UGLY WHINING SHITWEASEL.”   
“I am so confused. Are you being sarcastic or something” Maybe this is your attempt to be ironic?”  
“DAVID GRUBFUCKING STRIDER. THIS IS MY NON-SARCASTIC, COMPLETELY UNIRONIC CONFESSION OF LOVE. I LOVE YOU, YOU BITCHING, NOOK CRUNCHING BITCH.”

“Well then.” Dave said. “That certainly is something.” Karkat shifting, feeling awkward, his cheeks blushing candy red, Dave had originally thought that it had been out of anger and embarrassment from having his butt touched (though accidentally). He had been wrong, it was embarrassment, but not due to the accidental touching. Dave could not help but find it adorable. The way that he ducked his head a little bit, shifting from foot to foot in nervous agitation, his whole face flushing redder and redder as the seconds ticked by. Dave took of his glasses, using the arm to hang them from his shirt. 

“It is a good thing that I love you too. Unironically.”


End file.
